Have you
ever wondered how the Japanese Bonsai tree stays so perfectly small? Does
the botanist clip the new sprouts every day with a tiny pair of scissors? Guess
again. The secret lies in trimming the roots of the Bonsai tree. The crown of
the tree matches the root system. Long roots give you a wide crown of branches.
Short roots lead to short branches.
Just as roots are the foundation of a
tree’s growth, the root of my
spiritual center is my self-esteem. If I see myself as a person of value and
worth, then this will be reflected in my mindset and attitude. I will be able
to approach any challenge with a positive “yes, I can” attitude.
How
do I acquire a positive self-image if I have carried a negative self image with
me for years? I was never quite good enough in the eyes of my parents, I never
achieved that “potential” that my teachers wrote about in my school report
cards, my friends really never included me in the “with it” or “in” crowd. How
am I going to transform many years of knocks and blows to my self-concept into
a self-respecting one?
Let’s
delve deeper into our spiritual center to see if we can activate our
self-esteem. Get into regression mode.
Write down on a piece of paper the ways which, during your childhood and
teenage years people “put you down.”
Now,
let’s do a relaxation exercise. Sitting in a comfortable chair or lying on a
bed, relax by sending your mind into your toes—now relax the muscles in your
neck by massaging your neck from the “inside” with your mind. You do this by
breathing in deeply through your nose and
holding that breath for 3 seconds. As your breathe in tense up the
muscles in your neck. As you exhale let go of the tension in your neck. Breathe
out through your mouth for seven seconds. This is called body breathing. Your
neck should feel open, released and relaxed. Your neck should begin to feel
light and tingle. This should take about twenty to thirty seconds. Now move your mind up to your back,
breathe in and tense up your back muscles and then exhale and release them. Now
do the same for the rest of the muscle
groups in your body-legs,
abdomen, stomach, shoulders, face and even your mind! Tense up your
brain and then let go…of your thoughts. Let them float away. Feel a sense of
release and relief and relaxation. This
should take a further three minutes.
Now,
while in this state of relaxation, take yourself back to the age you were when
a particular person “put you down” and imagine that person standing in front of
you. Go to that place, the age you were then…be “there.” Now, tell that person
what you always wanted to say but never had the opportunity. Try to do it in a
calm and even tone. Go on—have a conversation. Say what you always wanted to
say but never did. Speak to the individual and set the situation straight.
What
would he say in response to you? Say it out loud. Respond to him or her again.
By engaging in this “conversation” you will be reliving the experience and you
will be able to fix up the emotional pain retroactively.
This
is a gestalt therapy technique where you can relive the past and release the
emotional pain that has remained locked in your soul. Now, on the count of
five, slowly come back to the present. Open your eyes. You have now initiated
the process of healing.
Let
me share with you a self-esteem exercise which is outlined in detail by Dr.
Nathaniel Branden in his book, How to Improve Your Self-Esteem (Bantam Books,
New York, 1987). While you are in this “earlier age consciousness,” become
aware that those “put down” experiences may have become incorporated into your
developing identity and self-concept. By doing so you can get in touch with
those negative feelings. You feel the vulnerable child within you. It is called
the “inner child”.
Now,
come back to your adult self and reach out and give that inner child or teenager—which is you—only younger,
a warm hug. Tell the child or teenager within you that it will be okay. Make
friends with the child or teenager in yourself. Embrace the child or teenager
as you would care for your own child. Begin to accept that child or teenager as
being an earlier version of you.
Accepting
or coming to terms with yourself, and realizing that you have intrinsic worth
and value, are prerequisites for reprogramming yourself with basic self-esteem.
You are valuable just by “being”, as opposed to “doing”. Now, your root system
can once again extend into the soil or foundation of your psyche and begin to
anchor your identity and self-concept with positive feelings and energy.
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